Grab Bag

Howdy.

I've been in a bit of a funk lately and not really in the mood for blogging. So I thought I'd transfer a couple of posts from my old Myspace blog. I'm planning on killing my Myspace page soon so this site will be a life raft for some odd bits. I'll be back soon with some funky fresh words and phrases, but for now this will have to do. Enjoy.

Friday, May 23, 2008
You down with DVD?
About a year ago I got one of those DVD burners. I thought it would be nice (aka cheap) to copy some of my old college footage and give it to my groomsmen as wedding gifts. Now, with a potential home purchase, I'm trying to avoid lugging my massive VHS collection into a new dwelling. For those of you without one of these suckers it's pretty sweet. You simply put in the tape, hit record, and whammy! Easily stored (and durable) digital goodness. The real fun though is seeing all the crap I've recorded over the years. It's funny how you misremember some events. Examples:

1) I always thought I was a cute, precocious, and all around swell child. However, thanks to cruel cold video, I found that I was an obnoxious, hyperactive, package of evil. I remember vividly doing "funny" things as a child. Making the adults laugh with my quick wit. Turns out no one was laughing. It's a strange thing to watch a small child on the television machine and wish them harm.

2) Brian Schoonaert is not funny. Watching college footage now and I hear myself cutting jokes. People laugh but I think that was just from alcohol.

3) Good lord we drank a lot in College!

4) My college friends, both male and female, were (are) good looking people. Honestly kids, go online and watch some YouTube footage of college kids. Not Spring Break crap, like house parties. Chances are they are uglier than my Ball State peeps.

5) Ryan Biggs is funny. Of course I knew this, but I didn't realize just how well his humor held up. I'm watching footage from nearly a decade ago and cracking up. Of course if you don't know Biggs this means nothing to you. Feel free to skip down.

6) Network television has offered up some strange programming over the years and, for some reason, I've recorded most of it. Old Godzilla movies, documentaries on Bozo The Clown (not to be confused with Bozo The Accountant), pro wrestling from Japan, etc., Not only have these treasures been watched by myself, but I felt the need to record them. I know. I'm strange.

7) My Mom had a great laugh.

--BJS

Monday, April 07, 2008
Things I learned over the weekend

1) I’m old.
I say this because I now go to the mall and am shocked, shocked I say, by what the young whippersnappers are wearing. A ten-year-old’s ass should not be "juicy" nor should it be covered by scraps of cloth that I’m told are shorts. This just tells me that clothes are designed by pervy old men. You don’t see guys having to wear ass huggers with "oak" printed on the crotch. Just weird.
And while I’m on the subject, I know some of you loyal readers are volleyball fans; explain to me why women have to wear the little bike shorts and guys don’t. What’s the logic behind that? (Schoon Fact: Brian Schoonaert is a big fan of women in tight/skimpy clothing, he would simply prefer they be of north of voting age.)

2) Digital Yoda sucks.
I spent a good chunk of my weekend watching the Star Wars (much to my wife’s dismay) and I groaned every time the little computer generated frog spun about with his laser sword. And why was he wearing bike shorts?!? I mean come on, I---Oh. Sorry. I was thinking on my first topic.

3) I am too cool for the zoo.
This was actually a couple of weeks back but who’s counting? Rachael and I took our nephew Kyle to the zoo. Now the last time I went to the zoo I brought a sack lunch and a permission slip, so I really didn’t know what to expect.
Oh wait.
Yes I did.
Stench and lazy animals. Not one of these captive critters could so much as break into a jog. Hell most of them were lounging in the sun. I paid my nine dollars, damn it! Dance for me! Oh well, at least the kid had fun.

I’m sure I learned many other exciting things but I’ll save them for later.

--BJS