Even More

Welcome back.

I watched a movie called Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter. Yeah, let that roll around your brain for a second. To make matters worse the plot of the movie, and I promise this is true, Christ has returned to earth to defend the lesbians of Canada from a hoard of vampires. Aiding The Savior is Mexican Wrestling legend, El Santo.

Yeah.

The movie is quite possibly the worst flick I’ve ever seen. It appears the film was shot on my Uncle Dean’s home video camera and features a cast of layoffs from Home Depot. Ugh. My soul hurts just thinking about this abomination. And why did I watch this flick? Why did I risk the ire of The Almighty? Because my Mother-In-Law recommended it. I love this woman but perhaps she doesn’t love me. Maybe this was her devious way of getting me out of the picture. If that be true it’s an act of villainy that would make Skeletor blush.

In other news.

The snow has melted and I’m faced with the nastiness that is my lawn. Dead grass mixed with patches of dirt. Humps and hills that have me convinced those worm things from Tremors are napping outside my door. Combine that with the ugliest crab trees in existence and you have my arch nemesis. Since I’ve moved in this monster has destroyed one Weed Eater and taken the lives of two lawn mower blades. My mower is currently huddled in the corner of my garage, too scared to move. Poor little guy.
However, I am far from defeated. Stay tuned for the exciting adventures of: Schoonaert vs. Lawn.
(Good Lord I’m pathetic)

Finally…Watchmen has arrived. Perhaps you haven’t seen the 6,985 ads on your television machine, but Watchmen is the latest of the Comic Book flicks and it has me grinning. Being the cool kid that I am I’ve read Watchmen at least a dozen times and I plan on dragging Rachael to the theater as soon as possible. Heh. I’m trying to convince her to stand up in the middle of the movie and shout: “Isn’t anybody watching these people?!?”

Till next time.

--BJS